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Deadline - Mira Grant ***Warning: this review contains spoilers for [b:Feed|169756|Feed|M.T. Anderson|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1327891005s/169756.jpg|163928]***

I really don't know what I can say about this book besides how disappointed and frustrated it left me. Not that I was expecting something incredible mind you. I mean, it's not like [b:Feed|169756|Feed|M.T. Anderson|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1327891005s/169756.jpg|163928] left me begging for more so I have no idea why I gave Deadline the time of day.

Actually I do know. I'm not too bright. I was going to purchase [b:The Demon's Surrender|9666870|The Demon's Surrender (Demon's Lexicon Trilogy, #3)|Sarah Rees Brennan|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1294614773s/9666870.jpg|14156711] on Tuesday June 14th, because that's when it was released, but for whatever reason the audiobook was not available for sale at audible. So I wasted a precious audible credit on this ridiculously long piece of trash. How long is this audiobook you ask? 15+ hours.

Yes, more than 15 hours of what amounts to a really long episode of The Incredible Hulk, featuring zombies and the magical world of news blogging. Except to make things extra fun The Hulk Bruce Banner Shaun, our main character, has his dead sister's voice stuck in his head running commentary on everything he does. And he talks back to that voice. Vocally. Like, all the time no matter who is around.

When people encounter Shaun's strange behavior and make the mistake of asking if he's feeling okay, Bruce Shaun looses his crap and 'splodes out of his clothes in a fit of rage, turns green and goes on a punching spree. And he's all 'HULK MAD! HULK SMASH! HULK KILL!' starts acting like a massive douche-canoe--like, way more douche-y than he usually acts--and threatens to punch the crap out of whoever has the nerve to ask him about the state of his mental health.

That wouldn't be such worrisome behavior if he were some crazy urine-soaked hobo who lives out of a refrigerator box. But see, Shaun is the head blogger at popular news blog he and his (dead) sister started a few years before. He has a ton of employees all over the world.

Mr Crazy Pants is in charge. Really. And that's where my first issue with Deadline springs up.

Who in their right mind would put up with that crap? The answer is no one. Not even people who are supposedly friends with said crazy person. Especially when that person has not contributed ANYTHING worthwhile to the blog in over a year. A person who doesn't even make any real decisions anymore. A person who does little more than show up and carry on conversations with the dead sister living in his head himself and threaten to punch people, occasionally carrying out those threats, breaking noses in the process.

We're supposed to believe that his employees are that loyal and/or so stupid they'd be willing to stick around and take that sort of abuse. Bloggers who are at the top of their fields and could go to a number of other news blogs or easily start their own.

One could argue that he just lost his sister and his friends/employees are just really patient and understanding, but here's the deal: his sister died a year prior to the events in Deadline. Plus, they live in a world where zombies run free. Every last one of them have lost close friends and loved ones yet none of them act like Shaun.

So...what makes Shaun so special?

Nothing. He's not special. Which is why I grew weary of this book almost from the get go. But I kept reading because I thought Shaun was going to calm down and pull his act together. Don't want to be all spoiler-y but it needs to be said: that never happens. In fact his behavior worsens yet NO ONE takes a cattle prod to his crazy ass; no one throws him to the zombies just so they can get rid of their little "Debbie Downer".

There is a whole lot of other stuff that happens which, I'm sorry, doesn't really matter because Grant decides to pretty much undo something HUGE that goes down in the first book. George is magically alive at the end of the book. That happens. Really.
The author pulls the cloning card, and a piss-poor job she does with the whole cloning thing if you ask me. Why? Because everyone knows cloning doesn't work that way. Clones don't retain the original's memories. Sometimes they don't even look exactly like the original And no, I don't think it's cool to just pretend it does for the sake of the story. Grant went out of her way to create the whole back story to Kellis-Amberlee, correct? So why is it so difficult for her to think up a semi-feasible reason as to why George is magically alive? The whole thing comes off a little too Resident Evil if you ask me, and no, that isn't a compliment. To be honest, I feel there is little of importance that goes down in this book. It's all a bunch of happenings that don't amount to anything in the end. If you've read Deadline and you don't agree with me, that's cool. Just do me a favor and ask yourself this: what, if anything, happened in this book that wasn't made so completely pointless by the way the book ended? I bet your answer is along the lines of 'nothing'.

And then there's the plot holes. So many plot holes. Gigantic ones. One in particular that is so infeasible, so massive you sort of want to write Mira Grant hate mail while reading it. Or maybe that's just me.

Speaking of holes, am I the only one that thinks the answer to the zombie problem, should a zombie apocalypse ever occur, is the Grand Canyon? I mean, it's a massive hole in the ground, right? All we'd have to do is round up and herd all the zombies to the Grand Canyon. We could walk them in at ground level and then brick them in, or just let them walk over the cliffs (this option is rather inhumane but, hey, it's flesh-eating, disease-carrying zombies we're talking about not adorable puppies and kitties). I'm also willing to consider using Carlsbad Caverns, as it is also a massive hole in the ground and I'm not a huge fan of New Mexico.




Don't even get me started about Shaun's (not at all thought out) motorcycle ride of karma from zombie hell. I'm sorry but who is that stupid? Why would anyone let anyone else ride a motorcycle into a place so insanely infested with zombies? I kept wondering why they couldn't strap that thing to the back of the van, or, I don't know, LEAVE IT BEHIND. Hell, even if there really wasn't room left inside the van, Shaun could have easily strapped himself to the roof, or (call me crazy) strap some of their equipment to the roof of the van in order to make room for him. Either way, he would have been safer.

One last thing: I was so totally right about the incest thing. I knew George and Shaun were too close to not be sleeping together. And no, I don't think that Grant is so edgy by going that route. If anything Grant is all about cop-outs. The incest was a cop-out and so was the cloning of a dead character.

I will not be reading the third book in this series. One-and-a-half stars.