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SPOILER ALERT!

Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4)

Breaking Dawn (The Twilight Saga, Book 4) - Stephenie Meyer I wanted to love this book; to read it over and over until my head exploded. I tried to love it, even after page 360, and my complete disappointment of Jacob imprinting--on Bella’s mutant baby, no less. But I kept reading because I just knew that Stephenie was going to make it up to me.

The more I read the more difficult it became for me to finish. I am ashamed to say I endured the torture ‘til the bitter end--and, oh, was it bitter! Or rather, so sickeningly sweet it caused me to throw up in my mouth a little. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about happy endings but not at the expense of a good plot.

Breaking Dawn could have been a pretty good ending to an okay series. To say I am disappointed with this book doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. In all honesty, this book ruined the entire series for me. I no longer have the desire to pick up any of the other books--which I quite liked at one time. There is no way I could read them again now that I know the ending is so ridonculous (rE-D'on-kU-lus; Adjective, used when the word ridiculous just isn't enough).

This book started off okay, with Bella angst-ing about having to drive a flashy car and getting married at such a young age--Classic Bella, am I right? But after the wedding and even the majority of the honeymoon, things went downhill. Bella, pregnant? Really? But, I was willing to forgive that particular plot twist even though it defied Mrs. Meyers canon about vampires. And she never said it wasn’t possible for a human to get pregnant after having sex with a vampire, so I simply shrugged my shoulders went with it.

I’ll admit that I liked the Jacob chapters, despite the fact that Edward offers Bella to Jacob so long as Jacob can convince Bella to abort the abomination that they’ve created with Edwards magical vampire sperm--Edward was watching his 'true love' die and it was torturing him, so of course he lost touch with reality. Totally understandable (although completely icky as well) so I hand-waved that. Forgave it. I started getting aggravated when Bella was totally drawing Jacob back in (unbeknownst to us, the readers, it’s only because she’s pregnant with his future bride. More about that atrocity later) and setting him up for more heartbreak--classic selfish Bella that we love to hate.

I really hoped that Jacob would find the ability to move past his love of Bella on his own. I don’t know about anyone else but I am getting sick of the I-cannot-live-without-you kind of “love” (more like freaky obsession) that has been going on in these novels. It is actually possible to heal from a broken heart and, you know, MOVE ON!

It seemed as though Stephenie was going to have that happen, that Leah and Jacob might deepen their friendship and discover that they actually care for each other. But that would erase Jacob from Bella’s life and we couldn’t have that. No--Jacob gets to imprint on the abomination that is Renesmee. Lucky him! Now Jacob doesn’t actually have to work to heal his broken heart. Oh, and of course, lucky Bella for not actually having to sacrifice anything. Three books full chalk full of Bella's fears, about having to give up all her human relationships, was really all for not (I hate you Bella Swan-Cullen. And I really hate Little Brown Books for screwing me out of all that money).

Now on to the delivery of Renesmee: WOW, talk about a joyous occasion! What with Bella vomiting a--I kid you not--'fountain of blood'; the breaking of bones (Bella's back was snapped); the c-section preformed with Edwards mouth (yes, I just said MOUTH); little Renesmee--who, creepily enough, is actually born with a full set of teeth--gives new meaning to the words 'breast feeding', and mama flat lining after all was said and done. It really is too bad they didn’t get the whole thing on film.

Renesmee, hmmm…where to start? I’m not even going to touch the subject of her name with a ten-foot-pole. I’m just going to say that the way she’s described in the novel sounds more like the Bride of Chucky instead of some super cute baby. All the rapid growing, blood drinking and mind-melding was in no way endearing, it was weird.

Considering that the romance was non-existent in the last 3/4 of this novel, it totally lacked in cute Bella and Edward moments. All we got was not-sexy, kinky, tantric, vampire sex that had the potential to go for days, or even weeks (yes, Bella actually thinks about that being a possibility). YIKES AND...JUST YIKES!

Isn't it just super great that Bella gets to keep Charlie in her life? It proves that you really can have your (disgusting blood) cake and eat it too. I love that the sheriff in town doesn't even want to know anything about the vampires in town--unless, of course, it is entirely necessary. Which, I'm sorry but when a huge group of vampires descend on the area 'round about, I'd say that's a need to know basis. But does anyone tell Charlie? No. Apparently ignorance really is bliss.

Oh, and I loved how Renee, Bella's mom, just disappeared into obscurity. She didn't even call when Bella was supposedly in lockdown with some deadly Brazilian disease. Seriously though, when did Renee go from being the overbearing mother who would FREAK OUT about not hearing from Bella every day, to one who couldn't care less what the crap happened to her?

The epic battle was more like an epic failure. The whole book was building up to the fight in the woods and then nothing happened. Talk about anti-climatic. I found that I was just as disappointed as the Romanian vampires were. The only casualty was Irina and it's not like she was important enough to be broken up over.

Despite the fact that I am a huge Jacob fan, I would have been okay with him dying to protect the little monster he'd imprinted on. I mean, JK Rowling killed DUMBLEDORE for crying out loud. Stephenie could have killed just ONE of her precious characters. By doing so, she would have been able to breathe some life into this flaming pile of garbage.

And it seemed to me that by avoiding a fight the Cullens just woke a sleeping giant. Based on the conversation they were having after the "battle" it seems to me that they knew the Volturi were going to come back and attempt pick them off one-by-one. Wow, talk about a victory! But why worry when Bella has mad vampire skillz? Am I right?

Worst line from this book: "Goodbye, Jacob, my brother... my son." *dry-heave* *shutter* *cringe* *shutter*

The last few pages when Bella lifted her "shield" for Edward, so he could read her mind, wasn't all that bad. I kind of liked that part, to tell you the truth. I also liked learning more about Leah Clearwater (in the Jacob chapters). In all honesty, it was the rest of the book that was full of fail.

TWO ENTHUSIASTIC THUMBS WAY DOWN!

(Edited on Sunday August 17, 2008)